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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.

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Don't lend people money. It causes amnesia.

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= An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just *how* the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game: "The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1996 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game." The hospital patient, annoyed by the lack of attention he received after returning to his hospital room from the intensive-care unit, exclaimed, "I've gone from I.C.U. to 'no see you'!"

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To whom should I go to for some self-help?